The+tourism+industry+is+constantly+changing+as+more+people+venture+off+on+new+adventures+in+different+countries,+however+this+business+can+either+help+a+country+or+interfere+with+the+natural+order+of+things+in+that+society.

Karen: I think that the thesis should focus more on your argument towards tourism instead of adding that first fragment, "The tourism.... different industries," instead you can replace it and develop on the argument more.

Mabelly: I agree with karen, the first phrase in your thesis is kind of unnecessary and can be better expressed earlier in your introduction instead of in your thesis. You should instead develop your argument of "this business can either help a country or interfere with the natural order of things in that society" more.

Chantelle: I agree with both Karen and Mabelly, that 1st part in unnecessary. You should really state more of how business interfere or help the country. I also think that you should focus on either how it interferes of how it helps the country.

Sabrina: This thesis should have a main focus. If you want to talk about the industry changing, focus your thesis on that. If you want to focus on the business aspect, then gear your thesis towards your stance on the business aspect of tourism.